Worry vs. Donuts

Time: 12:50 AM
I am: At the library working on the paper. ALMOST DONE.
Question from: She’s got a new car! Allison asks: More masculine colour: purple or pink? Discuss.

Well well, playing with the color wheel again I see. I’m no artist, so I’m really not sure how to respond to this one. I LIKE artists and spend way too much money in Artist Alley at conventions, but that really doesn’t give me much to talk about as far as masculine colors are concerned.

I think both pink and purple are still a little stung by their landmark loss to Blue in the decision to add a new color to M&Ms candy. I think both colors felt that the deck was stacked against them, and through that the two of them bonded and created a trend, Lavender, which continues to this very day. Have you ever heard of Lavender mice? Quite bizzare.

Of course, purple and pink eventually came to blows when the discovered that Lavender is also a fragrance, an herb, and a million other things. Seeking exclusive rights to the profits that Lavender was bringing in, both colors hired high-priced lawyers and took their case to the highest levels of government permissible. It’s been said that Clarence Thomas wanted to address the case at the Supreme Court, but then Sandra Day O’Connor started making fun of him and calling him “Lavender Pants”, which forced him to withdraw the motion to hear the case out of shame.

Which brings us to the modern day. Which color is more masculine? Most people would say purple, but to me, I’ll just say “it depends on how you wear it.” If you encounter some refrigerator-sized bouncer at a nightclub sporting a pink blazer, are you REALLY going to criticize his fashion sense? I didn’t think so.

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Time:9:58PM

I am: Working on the evil paper and worrying
Question from: New York’s newest homeowner (huzzah!) Sarah: I would like to discuss the exact contents of Spam

WHY MUST YOU BRING UP THAT EVIL THING

You aren’t supposed to know what’s in Spam. You know why? Because Spam is a strange object that combines that which should not be combined. I’ll explain.

First off, Spam was developed and is still made in Austin, Minnesota. Home of… well, not a whole lot other than Spam. They make a lot of the evil stuff there. And where is most of it sold? Well, ask yourself this: which culture has a dish where Spam is a main ingredient and in the name of the dish itself? HAWAII. It’s called “Spam Musubi.” It’s PURE EVIL.

Not only that, but Spam is TAKING OVER HAWAII. Look at this. Dear god, someone please save these people! Shoyu is for chicken, not evil meat.

So what is my point? Well, Hawaii and Minnesota are like night and day, right? Two opposites. When two opposites come together, a reaction of some kind is the result. Hawaii and Minnesota are being brought together by the evil Spam, and why? Because, beyond the pig and meat ingredients mentioned on the can, Spam is also made with INNOCENT SOULS of people from these two states. Those who refuse Spam or Spam Musubi lose a little bit of their soul every time they hear about it, and Hormel benefits. Such a sad scam indeed!

I, for one, refuse to give in. Although if some really good bands end up playing at the Spam Jam, I may soon lose my soul as well. Hopefully I can stay pure.

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Time:3:40 PM
I am: working on two papers and falling asleep as I write on the Union South computers
Question from: Hello Matthew! Dumbledore is gay. Sometime when talking about this, I thought of the song “She loves the cream.” Oh m-flo. So this lead to the thought that “Dumbledore loves the cream.” You can either discuss that or just rofl about it

Can I do both? Please?

First off, I’m not a Harry Potter fan. I try, really I do, but I need to let the wave of Potter-mania subside before I attempt to delve into it. It’s so… vast.

But I will discuss the cream. And wizards.

Now, let us not assume that Dumbledore’s “cream” has anything to do with his preferences for intimate social company. I mean, he’s a WIZARD, right? He probably likes a nice hot toddy every once in a while. Cream is very theraputic, and I’ve heard that nothing goes down smoother when you’re trying to balance your broom. Caffeine? That just makes you jittery.

In fact, caffeine-related wizard accidents are on the rise. Just last week, one wizard tried to fly a Swiffer over the 405 in LA because he had a large Mocha Latte that impaired his judgement. Or maybe he was just some guy who got caught on the highway with cleaning products. I digress.

What really matters here is the ties between m-flo and the wizard. Verbal clearly made a blunder here. He says “She loves the Cream”, but witches prefer BREW. You know, the bubbly stuff in big black iron cauldrons. Clearly, males - especially wizards - like the cream more. It’s clear that Dumbledore and Verbal need to sit down for a chat. Besides, I’m sure Verbal’s funky sunglasses and “POW” ring would make him quite an interesting distraction at Hogwarts.

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Time: 2:47 AM
I am: Finishing a poster for Korean class and writing two papers
Question from: Dr. Wes “Jellisky” Terwey, who asked (among other things) that I examine the state of Delaware.

Ah, Delaware. Ever been? You probably have and didn’t recognize it. Don’t you feel awful? That’s right, accept the guilt.

Anyways, the state was the first one in the Union, and why? Well, back in the day (that day being 1791 or so), the 13 original colonies were having a meeting/state of the union address/barbecue and tiddly winks night when the topic came up as to which colony should enter statehood first. Needless to say, this was a difficult thing to decide since the American Ego had already manifested itself. In fact, when the topic was first proposed, representatives from Pennsylvania and New York initiated fisticuffs almost instantly. Too much liberty sauce, methinks.

Since the states couldn’t agree (and New Jersey was passed out on the floor already), the colonies decided to give the honor to Delaware. Why? Let’s listen to this TOTALLY AUTHENTIC historical transcript to find out!

Maryland: What’s in Delaware anyways?
Virginia: Not a whole lot. My wife likes the boutiques there.
Maryland: Still, that sucks. Maybe Delaware won’t feel so depressed if we make it the first state.
Virginia: Eh… okay. Beats deciding it by thumb war anyways.
New Jersey: *hic*PLAY BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC BY GEORGE*hic*
Virginia: Shit, Jersey is awake again. Maryland, would you do the honors?
Maryland grumbles, whacks Jersey on the head

Of course, such a stigma continues to affect Delaware to this day. Just look at the chickens. Poor, lonely Delaware. Although I must argue that it’s a nice place from time to time.

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Time: 11:27

I am: Working on the paper of doom. Don’t ask. Just assume that the “doom” comes with all the special effects 25 cents can buy.

Question from: Laura, who asks: I would like to start a discussion on how puppets metabolize liquor, for I have seen quite a few imbibe alarming amounts in my day, and the next day harangue me for being bed-ridden and hung over. I pointed out that my liver is quite small, whereas they don’t seem to have any whatsoever, only foam.
Yet, they call me at 9:30 asking for a ride to IHOP for pancakes and a rehash of the night before.

DUDE, they are PUPPETS. Think about it for a while. Let’s take, say, Kermit the Frog.

Now, if you’ve seen Kermit dancing around on TV and whining about how it isn’t easy being green, you may think it’s because he’s a frog. Bullshit. It’s because he’s a PUPPET. You see, sometimes it looks like Kermit is controlled by strings, right? But other times, it looks like Kermit is being controlled from the “inside”, if you get my drift.

Now, if I had to get up every morning and think, “Gee, I wonder if some guy is going to put his hand up my butt today” and I didn’t have some kind of connection with gastrointestinal sciences or the prison system, that would mess me up. If I had to get up every morning and ask myself that question, I think I’d become a whole lot more than just alcoholic.

Hell, some puppets and muppets have taken matters into their own hands. Allow me to present the case of my childhood idol and culinary expert, the Swedish Chef. Look at this. He’s a puppet with a FREAKING GUN. Someone’s just a little upset, don’t you think?

In closing, I salute you for taking these poor souls to IHOP and discussing these things with them. Remember, try putting yourself in their shoes. Actually, no… don’t. That’s really gross.

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Time: 12:35 AM

I am: Writing story summaries and looking for restaurant info for ANN trip to Japan in March

Topic from: Bamboo, who asks: I would like a discussion on the wearing of wigs in the Houses of Parliament. For instance, why did they start wearing them? When did they stop? Why did they stop? What could bring them back?

Well, glad you asked! Wigs are awesome. You don’t have one? BUY ONE.

Wigs came into favor in England when people decided that London really is a nippy place in the winter, and since the Scandinavian nations were not willing to share their secrets on how to keep nice and toasty warm in the winter, the wig was proposed. It went from a warmth providing unit to a fashion statement in no time flat. Kinda like the popularity of uggs, just more tolerable.

Everyone loved wigs until one day someone decided that the word “gay” should no longer mean “to be happy” but something else. Needless to say, due to a more conservative political climate at the time, there was a riot in response, and in the end wigs were set ablaze to represent their tragic downfall.

But listen kids: A COMEBACK IS COMING. Seriously, they just need the right people to wear them again as a form of protest. Something like this: one member of parliament is unhappy that his region is not getting proper funding. He wears a big annoying wig, and demands that he will keep wearing the hideous thing until changes are made. Eventually it shall become as common as the filibuster is in American politics, and voila! The wig is back, baby!

It also wouldn’t hurt to have some celebrity support. Perhaps Damon Albarn of Blur/Gorillaz/whatever the hell Damon Albarn wants to do right now. He’s a sporting chap. Give him a wig, he’ll be sure to rock it.

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Hi everyone. Yes, I’m alive. The next three weeks hold quite a lot of stuff for me, including (but not limited to) tests, papers, and an anime con for work dropped right in the center of everything. The con really brings the schedule together… all we need is some reds and greens to accent it, thereby giving it a nice christmassy feel.

Last semester when finals got started, I simply shut down the blog. However, it’s become clear that I don’t need a break… rather, I need something positive and FUN to do that isn’t schoolwork.

So: I’ll be doing a series of “posts written in 10 minutes” posts to keep my mind from spiraling into madness. The posts will focus on a meaningless topic that you suggest. The result should be some interesting rants, and an interesting gaze into the mind of a man who has not slept for days. Golly, doesn’t that sound awesome?

If you want to participate, please suggest a meaningless topic of any variety in the comments. Topics such as politics, Anime and other stuff that has been the subject of debate/fisticuffs over the past few weeks are FORBIDDEN.

Rules:

1. Posts must be created and posted in 10 minutes or less.
2. Posts must include one link to something.
3. Pictures: Bonus points. The points mean nothing though, so just disregard this one.
4. All posts shall be served with the time, a list of what I’m doing at the moment, and warm dinner rolls (subject to availability and legality of dinner roll use in international territories).
I’ll get started a little later tonight. Should be good fun, really.

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